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• I have been trying to quit my current job but every opportunity I've had has been thwarted in some way; I meant to put in my 2 weeks last week, but my manager went on vacation, and then this week, expecting him to be back, he was diagnosed with covid. Not to mention that every better job I've applied to has not been getting back to me.
• I got my hair cut and dyed an orangeish red. I really love my new style, and as I expected, it has made me more confident in myself. So I've been going out more than usual with new clothes I've bought and everything, it's been fun, and pleasantly destressing (says she who has been stressed like hell lately).
• A part of me wants to revamp my website and give it a fun, new theme--I don't think I will touch some pages like my diary and my gallery, but I do have a vague idea of what I want to do with my home page. I am thinking of something akin to the aesthetic my about page has: lighthouses and sailboats and compasses and everything of the like. I hope that makes sense. I am no longer liking its simplicity and I want it to stand out more.
• I recently received a necklace and hairclip from ephemeralstar's shop! (Please check out aer shop) I thought the included goodies were so cute, and I especially loved the little note that came with it... Sorry to ramble, but being considered a big ocean lover is a little amusing to me; admittedly, I didn't fully fall in love with the sea until this year--when I was little, I used to love the ocean a lot, I grew up near the sea and I visited the beach often and my dad would take me on his boat, but as I grew older, I began associating the sea with him and it made me think of the ocean less and less (for context, my dad is not a good person). Now that he is out of my life and hopefully will never be in it again, I tapped back into my buried love for the waters and now I want nothing more than to have a life close to the sea... okay personal rambles over this is embarassing.
• I want to try deepening my voice again. I feel like customer service has made me sound too girly than I prefer. Idk. My voice sounds different in different settings and situations so who knows what I normally sound like.
• I wish I had a girlfriend (says this in a very lame way so no one takes me seriously and everyone looks the other way)
• Skip to loafer is really good and cute.
• I am drinking the new haunted apple beetlejuice fanta flavor and it's okay. Not bad just okay. I like the spice it makes me feel like I'm drinking the pumpkin spice coffee I've been making for myself every morning but instead of coffee it's a soda. Okay I honestly have no idea how I feel about it it's just like... fine nothing too crazy LOL

WOO! I passed my road test today. I can now legally drive; I have my license! It was far easier than I had assumed it would be, I was so anxious over nothing... now I can get back into the swing of things with that stress off my mind.

I was surprisingly given a ton of days off this week, so I will see about finishing my gallery page and putting it up alongside other pages of mine. Though I've found myself very absorbed in farm sim games again... hence the newly planned page of mine regarding my farms. Fields of Mistria recently came out as early access, and I played a bit of it (I wanted it sooo bad I waited until midnight for my paycheck to deposit and bought it right away); I'm enjoying it a whole lot :) All of the npcs have amazing designs and I've found myself drawn towards Valen in particular... heh heh heh... futch doctorrr🤤🤤🤤

Playing Fields of Mistria made me miss playing Stardew Valley again so I picked that up as well. I've been comparing the two games a lot because they're very similar and I've found I sooort of prefer SDV in terms of gameplay over FOM (I think SDV has you more involved compared to FOM's simplicity, idk how to really describe it but FOM felt easier to me. I think comparing the fishing minigame in SDV to FOM's lack of minigames in general would make what I'm talking about clear. BUT To be fair I still have much to do in FOM... and it is early access after all!)

Anyhoo, I am very exhausted right now, I just woke up from a nap and typing this entry was the first thing I did turning on my pc so... time for me to relax. Here is my FOM farmer btw, she is so cute:

P.S. Please read Sherbet Above the Sea of Fog

I've been prioritizing offline stuff so my website hasn't been on my mind lately. I have to apply to new jobs, put in my 2 weeks for my current one at an appropriate time, pass my driver's license test (yes I've been driving with only a permit lol... I've been procrastinating on the test for 2 years), etc. So I've been very busy and tired lately :'(

...Not that I'm not doing okay. I've been pretty fine and I'm excited for whatever new job I get! I'm also excited because I'm getting my hair cut and dyed by the end of August. I've been needing one for a while and with a new look I just know I'll gain more confidence in myself!! I've been indulging in some retail therapy too so I have a ton of new fun clothes. Maybe someday I'll share pics here...?

Other than that... regarding my website! I wanted to have the gallery page up super soon because I looove all of the fish I've been sent in my strawpage!! But I decided to challenge myself: I want to make the graphics for the page myself, rather than grabbing things off of pinterest like I normally do. I don't know how long it'll take me to finish the graphics (I've been debating exactly what type of background to draw, as I've been sent all sorts of fish; the other night I received a sockeye salmon and what my friend and I believe to be a gar! I initially wanted to make a reef aquarium, but now I want to make a proper aquarium with some thought put into it) so it might take longer to create the gallery than I first anticipated. I think for now I will set up my media log page as I've recently finished some animes and wrote reviews for them. I also need to write a review for "To the Lighthouse" on my bookbug page, but there's some segments of the book I want to revisit since I read parts of the book while on break at work. Actually, I might just outright reread the whole thing.

Here is a small life update. To reiterate my complaints from my last entry—I hate my job.

I want to quit. I've had this job for two years—almost three years now. I'm a service worker, I work with the public; I am behind the register, I put stock out onto shelves, I help with freight when I need to. It's grown very grating. I am sick and tired of the way customers treat me, as if I'm some sort of machine. And I hate the way men look at me, how they ogle me, how they treat me like I'm some little girl they can mess with. It's gotten to the point where I get snappy if there's an issue (which, is incredibly satisfying, as they never expect me to talk back, and most men have stiffened and continued the conversation with "ma'am" instead of "babe"). To make matters worse, I had a realization the other day: the company I work for is taking advantage of me (I mean I was always aware) because I'm a part-timer. I'm a part-timer who works full-time hours. And when they need hours for other employees, they cut mine. And then they make me work on holidays without giving me holiday pay because part-timers don't get any bonuses! Ugh!!!!!!!! I'm so tired of it all.

So, my plan is to quit. At some point, I will. It's been hard finding another job near where I live—all the ones I'd like to apply to are in different cities, miles away. I don't and have never wanted to drive an hour or more to get to my job, but at this rate, it seems I'll have to. That is a problem for future me though.

Maybe I should look into colleges again. I have three big job ideas for my future and they are: aquarist, deckhand, or fishing captain. Something relating to marine biology (and by extension, nautical science, as it strikes my interest). I'm not ready to go back to school though. I'll figure it out eventually; I'll prepare myself for now. Time to look at the calender.

For now, right now, as of typing this, it is my day off. I am relaxing. I wanted to drive to the beach today and take some pictures, greet the ducks and geese and turtles that like to linger near the shore, see if I could find any shells in the sand, but it was storming! So instead, I treated myself to boba. I have never had boba until now. It is surprisingly good and I am very happy about it I love food so much it makes me so happy. I genuinely got emotional drinking this, it's thai tea flavored and I love thai tea I am very very happy. I think I'll wind down and play some videogames. I've been too tired from working and it's given me little time to play games or read or watch shows because I am oh sooo sleepy. I'll take advantage of the time I have now.

I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to make a virtual diary, but in the end I caved. I figured it'd be nice to have some place to put my nonsensical thoughts and life updates so I can look back at them in the future.

So, here is my first entry! How am I doing? I have been okay. I hate my job. I hate the monotony my life has fallen into. But I believe things will be okay, somehow—just one step at a time.

I'm trying to do more things outside the house when I have the time to. It's better than lazing the day away on my days off. Two weeks ago, I went to the beach. I walked all the way there from my house—it was 1.6 miles I believe. I wasn't exhausted after the trip, surprisingly; I needed the exercise. Unfortunately it was about to storm by the time I got there, but I still enjoyed myself. I wrote some nice observations. Here they are:

A storm is approaching so the waves are crashing against the shore. There's kids playing on the seesaw while their parents watch nearby. I am sitting next to two big trees right now, the shade is nice. The water is a pretty blue under the sun but it becomes grey under the clouds. This is a bay I'm looking into. If I look left, I only see water as it leads towards the ocean. North of where I stand, across the water, I can see the big city. And to my right, I can see the storm clouds and a few buildings.

Since then, I drive to the beach a lot just to see if I notice any changes. It's been raining a ton lately, and the sand has been all muddy. There are way too many puddles in the parking lot. At least the geese and ducks love it.

I got to play Dawntrail when it came out for early access. I had tons of fun playing it. I wish I could say more, but the spoiler embargo is in place 🤫 I really enjoyed it, though. Like so much more than I anticipated.

That's all I have to say for now. As stated earlier, I am sooo tired of working. One day I didn't even get my scheduled break because I was the only one who could work freight. My back has been killing me. All I want is to relax...